Declaration of Dependence

The last few weeks have been really hard.  On top of several chronic and degenerative issues I’ve learned that my mom has lung cancer.  I have been burning up the phone lines between here and New York and Chris and I made a long weekend trip there as well.  After two hospitalizations in two weeks mom is now in rehab.  Her greatest problem at the moment is severe back pain, possibly a result of three earlier compression fractures.  What’s next is still unclear.  Answers have not been forthcoming and it has been difficult watching my mom struggle with the pain and inability to care for herself.

I know I am not alone in this struggle.  This is what I help my clients deal with day in and day out as an elder care coordinator.  Suffering is a part of life, yet it never ceases to amaze me how emotionally exhausting times of suffering can be.  Honestly, without the Lord I am not sure how anyone survives the challenges that life throws at us.  Countless times God has been my lifeline when I thought I would otherwise drown from fear or anxiety.  

Sometimes our hearts are so heavy that we forget what it is to be happy.   We feel buried under the weight of our worries and see no way out.  Sometimes we cannot even express the pain.  Thankfully, God knows the groans of our heart.  (Romans 8:26)

I’ve learned that when I don’t have the answers, I can either choose to depend on God or allow old habits to take control.   Dependence is not giving up, but giving in to God and his ways.  Many of us say Jesus is our Lord, but we never back off long enough to allow God to do his work.  Dependence means God is our first option, not our last.  It means accepting that God may not respond when I want.  It means keeping my mouth shut when I’d like to say some things that are less than godly.  Instead of running in circles it means running into the arms of my Savior.   Dependence means praying, listening and responding.

There are lots of people out there who say that Christianity is a crutch because we are too weak to stand on our own.  I would beg to differ.  I think it takes tremendous strength to fall on our knees and admit  there is a God who has a much better grasp and perspective on our circumstances than we do.  The Apostle Paul recognized that God’s power is made perfect in us through our difficulties.  (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)  When we are able to admit our weakness apart from Christ we allow the power of Christ to work in us.

Dependency is a trust issue.  Do we believe God cares enough to meet us in our darkest moments?  Will we accept his answers when they are not according to our plan?  It is easy to lose faith when God doesn’t respond to our needs the way we want or expect him too.  It is harder to hang on to God and trust him in the darkness when we’ve lost hope.  When others let us down it is easy to believe that God will too.  But God’s word assures us that his love is infinite and he never abandons us.

God says to cast our cares on Him because he cares for us. (1 Peter 5:7) But what happens when we, like a fisherman who has cast his line, draw those cares back to us?  Just like the fisherman, we need to cast them again, further from us and deeper into the depths of God’s grace and mercy.  God promises to exchange our anxiety for his peace, a peace that passes all understanding.  (Philippians 4:5-6) This is how I choose to live.  This is my declaration of dependence.