What Are you Living For?

Have you ever seen someone who expects the world to bow at their feet and jump when they say jump? They might as well have "It's All About Me" tatooed to their forehead.  They look pretty obnoxious, don’t they?  We think to ourselves, “When is that person going to get a clue that the world doesn’t revolve around them?”  And yet, secretly I think, most of us want to feel as if we are important, as if we are making a difference in this thing we call LIFE. We struggle, we strive, and we try to figure out what’s the next step to take, the next thing we should do, so that our lives have meaning.

I’m sure you’ve thought about it.   Whether it’s a nagging thought in your subconscious mind or a question that catches you unaware in the midst of a dark and confusing time, we have all wondered, what on earth am I doing here?  What’s it all about? What is my life purpose?  What will my legacy be when I’m gone? 

When we are kids we naturally think life is all about us.  Hopefully we mature beyond that mindset, but there are always those who appear to be in the game of life purely to satisfy themselves, with little regard for anyone else.  I certainly don’t claim to have it all together, and don’t get me wrong, I love attention as much as the next person, but I did catch a clue a number of years ago that this life is not about ME!

We attended a beautiful wedding this weekend for friends of our daughter.  Of course as a woman the big questions are always “what do I wear” and “how do I look”.  Fortunately, I’ve learned that the person that everyone is really looking at is the bride.  This day wasn’t about me, but I had been given the opportunity to be a part of it.  How could I make it the best day possible for her?  This is the mindset I want to have each and every day of my life.

I wish I was the kind of person that could turn off their mind every once in a while and think about nothing, but sadly my mind is a lot like the energizer bunny and it just keeps going and going and going.  I punish myself because I never feel like I’m doing enough.  I wonder if my life has really made any difference at all.  But in the quiet moments when it’s just me and God, He gently reminds me that I am making life way more complicated than it needs to be.

What really matters in life is what matters most to God.  Relationships.  God doesn’t need us, but He does want us.  He wants us to reconnect with him like it was in the beginning, when this nasty little thing called sin had yet to enter the picture.  I want my life to echo the words of Paul in his letter to the Philippian believers, “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” (Philippians 1:21)  In Christ, our lives gain meaning.

Sometimes I wonder why so many people hope to go to heaven when they die, when they don’t seem to want to have anything to do with God while they are here on earth.  Since my life on earth is only a brief segment of my eternal existence, I want to be building the relationship that will outlast all others.  So whether someone likes what I’m wearing or doesn’t like how I look is really insignificant in the grand scheme of things. 

Jesus lived and died for the sole purpose of reconnecting us to God.  In the process, He honored the Father with his life.  I want to live how Jesus lived, knowing that people matter to God.   I want to connect not only with those who look like me and share my values, but with those who are different and are far from God. I am hoping this blog accomplishes just that.

God wants me to find meaning in loving others the way He loves me.   Every day of my life, like this blog, starts as a blank sheet of paper.  What I make of it depends on what I am willing to give.  I want everything I do to be done in the name of Jesus, so that God gets the glory.  (Colossians 3:17) And when it’s all said and done, and I pass from this life as we know it, I hope the story of my life has this tag line, “It was not about her.  It was all for Him.”

Faith Moves Mountains

 We had an awesome night of worship at my church (http://crossroads.cc/) this past Friday.  Our pastor, Aaron West, (http://aaron-west.com/) challenged us to pray big prayers for God’s hand to move in our church and our community.  I always love how God works, because this past week I have been praying some pretty big prayers of my own!  God has been speaking to me about having a faith that can move mountains. 

 

In Matthew 17 and Mark 9 you can read the story of a father who comes to Jesus to ask for healing for his son.  The disciples had tried, but were unable to heal the boy on their own.  Jesus accused them of not having enough faith.  Wow, if the disciples who walked with Jesus and witnessed his miracles didn’t have enough faith, could I possibly have enough to move the mountains that stand in the way of God’s goodness and wholeness for my family?

 

There are times I want to believe God will move in a mighty way, but my faith is weak.  At those times I often confess like the father in this story, “Lord, I do believe, help my unbelief”.  Jesus tells the father that everything is possible for the one who believes.  So I pray and ask God to increase my faith.

 

Hebrews 11:1 says that “faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.”  Faith is believing God not only can, but will do the impossible.  Yet, it also means accepting God’s will and God’s timing when the impossible doesn’t happen.  At those times we need to keep believing that God knows, God cares and God is still able.  Never stop praying until God has said done. 

 

I am not going to tell you how to pray, or what it will magically take to get God to move in a big way.  If there were formulas, it wouldn’t be faith.   Like anything else, a growing faith requires commitment.  If I want to increase my faith I need to spend more time with God in His word and prayer.  I need to make sure that my schedule is not so full of good things that I miss out on the most important thing - a deeper relationship with my heavenly Father.  There are times when an honest assessment of God’s place in my life is in order.  As a relationship grows, expectations increase.  Trust is developed.  Faith becomes the means by which God reveals himself to us each and every day.  My own faith is inspired by God's faithfulness.

 

How we weather the storms of life is a good test of our faith.  Do we blame God for our troubles or do our troubles send us right to God?  Do we cry out in anger or do we surrender in childlike trust?    We can be stopped by the mountains that stand in our way or we can speak to the mountain in the name of Jesus and tell it to move.  So in faith this past week I asked God to move some mighty big mountains standing in the way of His best for my family.  I know that a single word from God can change everything.  Now I wait in faith with gratitude, not only believing He is able, but thankful that I serve a God bigger than any mountain.

 

Waiting on God

Waiting has never been my favorite pastime.  My kids would tell you that whenever I asked them to do something, I wanted it done NOW.  This was not a reflection of their laziness, but my impatience.  Who wouldn’t agree that we live in a GOTTA HAVE IT NOW society.  If you want something but don’t have the funds, don’t worry, just get it, you can always finance.  If we need to know something, we pull out our smart phones and Google the answer.  Facebook and Twitter let us know what is happening in our friends’ lives instantaneously.  We don’t like waiting and yet ironically, we often live our lives in a waiting mode: waiting to grow up, waiting to marry, waiting for children, waiting for grandchildren, waiting for retirement, waiting for the next best thing, because somehow we always think the next best thing is going to make life better. 

I often find myself waiting on God - waiting for an answer to prayer, waiting for him to give direction, waiting for him to move in a loved ones life.  Sometimes it seems like God has closed up shop, because nothing is different and my prayers seem to fall on deaf ears.  What do I do?  I take God at his word that he loves me and is faithful and I keep on praying!  What I have learned in times of waiting is that God is always at work behind the scenes, preparing us for his purposes.  First, he uses waiting to work wrong attitudes out of us and then he uses waiting to work right attitudes in to us.

When you are called to wait do you grumble and complain?  Are you jealous when others receive what you have always wanted?  Are you impatient when you don’t have the answers you want right now?  Do you feel the need to take matters in to your own hands?  Sarah and Abraham certainly did.  (See Genesis 15 - 16) God promised an aging Abraham that he would have a child.  Yet ten years later, still no baby.  Sarah knew she was way beyond child-bearing years so she decided to help God out.  The result was a child yes, but not the child of promise.  Ishmael means “man of war”, and this one couple’s unwillingness to wait on God’s timing birthed a war still raging today between the Arabs (the descendants of Ishmael) and the Jews (the descendants of Isaac, the promised child).  When God doesn’t move fast enough in your life are you prone to birth your own “Ishmaels”?

 

God doesn’t need any help from us.  What he asks is for us to trust his will and his timing.  Because life is a journey, always in motion, the waiting times can seem like death.  But waiting on God can purge self-reliance and cultivate humility.  1 Peter 5:6 says to “humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.”  Our times are in God’s hand and he is never late.  How many times have you heard someone say that God’s timing is perfect?  Typically, once they have the hindsight to see what the waiting was all about. God doesn’t limit himself within the constraints of our time clock.

When we wait on God we allow him to work for us and how can we not be blessed? When we wait on God we can be sure that his will is being accomplished, not our own.  When we wait on God we gain the strength to stand when others may fall.  When we wait on God we can trust that his appointed time is always the best time.  When we wait on God our faith grows because if God is working the junk out of us there will be more room for Him in us.  If intimacy with God is the price of waiting on Him, isn’t it worth it?

Declaration of Dependence

The last few weeks have been really hard.  On top of several chronic and degenerative issues I’ve learned that my mom has lung cancer.  I have been burning up the phone lines between here and New York and Chris and I made a long weekend trip there as well.  After two hospitalizations in two weeks mom is now in rehab.  Her greatest problem at the moment is severe back pain, possibly a result of three earlier compression fractures.  What’s next is still unclear.  Answers have not been forthcoming and it has been difficult watching my mom struggle with the pain and inability to care for herself.

I know I am not alone in this struggle.  This is what I help my clients deal with day in and day out as an elder care coordinator.  Suffering is a part of life, yet it never ceases to amaze me how emotionally exhausting times of suffering can be.  Honestly, without the Lord I am not sure how anyone survives the challenges that life throws at us.  Countless times God has been my lifeline when I thought I would otherwise drown from fear or anxiety.  

Sometimes our hearts are so heavy that we forget what it is to be happy.   We feel buried under the weight of our worries and see no way out.  Sometimes we cannot even express the pain.  Thankfully, God knows the groans of our heart.  (Romans 8:26)

I’ve learned that when I don’t have the answers, I can either choose to depend on God or allow old habits to take control.   Dependence is not giving up, but giving in to God and his ways.  Many of us say Jesus is our Lord, but we never back off long enough to allow God to do his work.  Dependence means God is our first option, not our last.  It means accepting that God may not respond when I want.  It means keeping my mouth shut when I’d like to say some things that are less than godly.  Instead of running in circles it means running into the arms of my Savior.   Dependence means praying, listening and responding.

There are lots of people out there who say that Christianity is a crutch because we are too weak to stand on our own.  I would beg to differ.  I think it takes tremendous strength to fall on our knees and admit  there is a God who has a much better grasp and perspective on our circumstances than we do.  The Apostle Paul recognized that God’s power is made perfect in us through our difficulties.  (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)  When we are able to admit our weakness apart from Christ we allow the power of Christ to work in us.

Dependency is a trust issue.  Do we believe God cares enough to meet us in our darkest moments?  Will we accept his answers when they are not according to our plan?  It is easy to lose faith when God doesn’t respond to our needs the way we want or expect him too.  It is harder to hang on to God and trust him in the darkness when we’ve lost hope.  When others let us down it is easy to believe that God will too.  But God’s word assures us that his love is infinite and he never abandons us.

God says to cast our cares on Him because he cares for us. (1 Peter 5:7) But what happens when we, like a fisherman who has cast his line, draw those cares back to us?  Just like the fisherman, we need to cast them again, further from us and deeper into the depths of God’s grace and mercy.  God promises to exchange our anxiety for his peace, a peace that passes all understanding.  (Philippians 4:5-6) This is how I choose to live.  This is my declaration of dependence.

In the Eye of the Beholder

 “If God, the Creator of the Universe, thinks I am beautiful, does anyone else’s opinion really matter?  Even my own?”  A friend posted this comment on Facebook the other day.  With some of the pretty ridiculous posts I’ve read on the social network, this jumped out as pure gold.  I want you to look in the mirror.  What exactly do you see?  If you’re like me you’ll focus on the wrinkly eyes, sagging chin and graying hair.

Let’s face it.  Our society is obsessed with physical appearance.  We are suckers for products that vow to make us look ten years younger and ten pounds lighter.   We tan, we diet, we straighten our hair and we buy all the latest cosmetics that guarantee to cover up the blemishes.   After all a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, right?  Perhaps, but ask yourself this, has your definition of beauty been distorted?

Because of my design background it is not unusual to find me watching HGTV.  I love the shows that take a “fixer upper” and turn it into a beautifully re-created home.  At first glance, we see a hopeless mess, but the designer looks past the surface and sees the hidden beauty beneath. 

There are lots of attractive people out there that are just plain ugly when they open their mouths.  Jesus called the religious leaders of his day, “white washed tombs”.  (Matthew 23: 27-28) They paraded around like “beautiful people” who thought they had it all together, but nothing of value was on the inside.  They were spiritually dead because they could not see Jesus for who he really was.   Scripture makes it clear that “The Lord does not look at the things people look at.  People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”  (1 Samuel 16:7).

I’m sure you’ve heard the expression, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”.  What is beautiful to one person may not be true for another.  What parent doesn’t think their child is the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen?  Love has a way of making the focus of our adoration more beautiful in our eyes.  You may not think you’re anything special, but in the eyes of your heavenly father you are his masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10).  God’s works are wonderful and you are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14). 

When I think of a beautiful person, I think of someone who shines from the inside out.  They make me feel loved, they care about others and they radiate the joy of the Lord from a sweet inner spirit.  “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”  (Psalm 31:30)

Consider this.  When you die will it be your internal or external beauty that people remember most?  Which do you invest more time on?  Which do you think will have impacted more lives?

Look in the mirror again.  What reflection do you see?  Since you are God’s masterpiece, I hope you now see a beautiful work of art.

Out of Control

I’ve been listening to the Christian radio station promote a new book titled “Unglued”.  Though I don’t remember giving permission for a biography to be written about me, I do love the title. I’ve come “unglued” once or twice or maybe a few thousand times in my life. The book deals with how to make wise choices in the midst of raw emotions.  The author, Lysa TerKeurst, says that in stressful situations we do one of two things with our emotions, we either stuff them or we explode.  I am sorry to say that I have never been one to keep my emotions inside for long.  There have been way too many explosions in my life.

I have always hated this about me.  For years I was convinced there had to be something wrong with me because I would lose control sometimes without knowing why.  There is a price to pay for unbridled emotions and my poor family suffered the consequences. My longing to bless my children was overshadowed by my failures.  I condemned myself, believing a lie that I would never change, even though I wholeheartedly trusted a God in the change business.  Internally I punished myself as my harsh words stung my family.  My husband would tell me to “let it go”, but I have never been a “just let it go” kind of girl.

Fortunately, God was patient with me and when I came to the end of myself he opened my eyes to the hard truth.  My anger was a reflection of my own inadequacies.  I learned that I come “unglued” when this type “A” girl can’t control the circumstances of her life.  When things didn’t go my way, when I felt “out of control” and vulnerable, my natural response was anger, followed by tears and regret. 

This was an incredible revelation for me.  I had to come face to face with the reality that I could not control my life or my family.  God began to show me just how little control I really had over things.  Once I knew it was a control issue, I had to willingly step aside and allow God to take the wheel.  I had to recognize that he is Master of this Universe, not me.  For some ridiculous reason I used to believe that I could make everything right if I had my hand in things.  I also thought it was expected of me.

How do you deal with things out of your control without losing control?  The first thing is to change your thought pattern and accept that God’s thoughts and ways are so much higher than our own (Isaiah 55:8-9).  By renewing my mind through scripture and prayer, I realized that God didn’t expect me to fix everything; he wanted me to trust his perfect plan.  The question I had to settle in my life was whether I trusted God with the most important people in my life, my husband and children.  By fully accepting that God has my back, I can more easily face difficulties without feeling a need to control them.  I know that He has the bigger picture in mind, and even if I cannot see it, I can trust him to work all things together for good. (Romans 8:28) Instead of lashing out at others, I cry out to God for his strength and perspective.  Knowing my triggers helps me to process my emotions and diffuse potential outbursts.  I believe that our reactions are a reflection of how much Jesus we have in us.  I often pray the words of John the Baptist, “He must increase and I must decrease.” (John 3:30)

Today I am much more accepting of my limitations, a freedom that comes as I acknowledge my true lack of control.  I’ve had to learn that I can survive even when things don’t go as I think they should.  And I’ve learned that by letting go of control, I allow others to step up and take responsibility.  Yes, I still become unglued at times, but like Lysa TerKeurst says, imperfect progress is still progress nonetheless.

Love Is...

I admit it.  I am that person who cries at love stories and weddings.  I guess the idea that “love conquers all” makes me a hopeless romantic.  However, I know better than to buy into the cultural delusion that love is a feeling and when the fire starts to wane then love must be gone.  Love to me is so much more.

Love is commitment.  It means making the relationship work even when you’d rather pack it in and go home to momma.  It means enduring the hard times, making the hard choices and learning to forgive.  I’ve been blessed with a husband who treats me like a princess, but that doesn’t mean the last 28 years have been free of problems.  We have different personalities, different likes and dislikes and sometimes different views on how to handle situations.  There have been a number of times we’ve both wanted to walk away, but our commitment to each other and our Lord has made us do the hard work to stay the course.  In my line of work as an elder care coordinator I see lots of families in crisis situations as they deal with the failing health of an older adult.  Nothing defines love to me like an 89 year old client committed to caring for his 92 year old bed-ridden wife of 70 years.

Love is vulnerable.  As we open our heart to another we are susceptible to being wounded.  Those we love the deepest have the potential to hurt us the most.  One of the most difficult things about love is that it may not always be received or reciprocated in the way we want.  Because we are human our love isn’t pure.  We unknowingly attach stipulations to it.  Love requires accepting the person as they are and allowing them to respond as they may.  Love cannot be forced.

Love is enduring.  I think a mother’s love is a perfect example.  When a mother holds their child for the first time they think they couldn’t possibly love them anymore than they do at that moment, but amazingly, that love deepens and develops in an almost unexplainable way.  Though our child may no longer be physically connected to us in the womb by an umbilical cord our emotional connection to them is never cut.  Nothing tugs a mother’s heart strings more than love for her children.

Love is selfless.  It is valuing the one you love and putting their needs above your own.  (Philippians 2:3-4).  Sometimes relationships require more giving than taking, but when you love that person you believe it is a win-win situation.  Selfless love has far reaching effects.  Some friends of mine have just given up their vacations to extend Christ’s love to the homeless in Haiti and to orphans in Russia. 

Love is sacrifice.  It is the willingness to lay down your life for another.  We have seen that sacrifice made by our brothers and sisters in the military and we have seen it by countless others who put themselves in harms way to protect those they love.  But the greatest love I have ever known comes from the One who made the ultimate sacrifice for me.  “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)  Because of sin we are separated from a holy God.  All God has ever desired is a love relationship with us.  He loved us enough to sacrifice his son to pay the price for our sins and provide a means for us to once again connect with him.  The only requirement is we must each personally accept what Christ did for us.  We may not think we are worth that depth of love, but God says we are. 

Love flows from a grateful heart.  The more I grasp God’s great love for me the more I want to share it with others.   Love is meant to be given away.