Out of Control

I’ve been listening to the Christian radio station promote a new book titled “Unglued”.  Though I don’t remember giving permission for a biography to be written about me, I do love the title. I’ve come “unglued” once or twice or maybe a few thousand times in my life. The book deals with how to make wise choices in the midst of raw emotions.  The author, Lysa TerKeurst, says that in stressful situations we do one of two things with our emotions, we either stuff them or we explode.  I am sorry to say that I have never been one to keep my emotions inside for long.  There have been way too many explosions in my life.

I have always hated this about me.  For years I was convinced there had to be something wrong with me because I would lose control sometimes without knowing why.  There is a price to pay for unbridled emotions and my poor family suffered the consequences. My longing to bless my children was overshadowed by my failures.  I condemned myself, believing a lie that I would never change, even though I wholeheartedly trusted a God in the change business.  Internally I punished myself as my harsh words stung my family.  My husband would tell me to “let it go”, but I have never been a “just let it go” kind of girl.

Fortunately, God was patient with me and when I came to the end of myself he opened my eyes to the hard truth.  My anger was a reflection of my own inadequacies.  I learned that I come “unglued” when this type “A” girl can’t control the circumstances of her life.  When things didn’t go my way, when I felt “out of control” and vulnerable, my natural response was anger, followed by tears and regret. 

This was an incredible revelation for me.  I had to come face to face with the reality that I could not control my life or my family.  God began to show me just how little control I really had over things.  Once I knew it was a control issue, I had to willingly step aside and allow God to take the wheel.  I had to recognize that he is Master of this Universe, not me.  For some ridiculous reason I used to believe that I could make everything right if I had my hand in things.  I also thought it was expected of me.

How do you deal with things out of your control without losing control?  The first thing is to change your thought pattern and accept that God’s thoughts and ways are so much higher than our own (Isaiah 55:8-9).  By renewing my mind through scripture and prayer, I realized that God didn’t expect me to fix everything; he wanted me to trust his perfect plan.  The question I had to settle in my life was whether I trusted God with the most important people in my life, my husband and children.  By fully accepting that God has my back, I can more easily face difficulties without feeling a need to control them.  I know that He has the bigger picture in mind, and even if I cannot see it, I can trust him to work all things together for good. (Romans 8:28) Instead of lashing out at others, I cry out to God for his strength and perspective.  Knowing my triggers helps me to process my emotions and diffuse potential outbursts.  I believe that our reactions are a reflection of how much Jesus we have in us.  I often pray the words of John the Baptist, “He must increase and I must decrease.” (John 3:30)

Today I am much more accepting of my limitations, a freedom that comes as I acknowledge my true lack of control.  I’ve had to learn that I can survive even when things don’t go as I think they should.  And I’ve learned that by letting go of control, I allow others to step up and take responsibility.  Yes, I still become unglued at times, but like Lysa TerKeurst says, imperfect progress is still progress nonetheless.