Out of Control

I’ve been listening to the Christian radio station promote a new book titled “Unglued”.  Though I don’t remember giving permission for a biography to be written about me, I do love the title. I’ve come “unglued” once or twice or maybe a few thousand times in my life. The book deals with how to make wise choices in the midst of raw emotions.  The author, Lysa TerKeurst, says that in stressful situations we do one of two things with our emotions, we either stuff them or we explode.  I am sorry to say that I have never been one to keep my emotions inside for long.  There have been way too many explosions in my life.

I have always hated this about me.  For years I was convinced there had to be something wrong with me because I would lose control sometimes without knowing why.  There is a price to pay for unbridled emotions and my poor family suffered the consequences. My longing to bless my children was overshadowed by my failures.  I condemned myself, believing a lie that I would never change, even though I wholeheartedly trusted a God in the change business.  Internally I punished myself as my harsh words stung my family.  My husband would tell me to “let it go”, but I have never been a “just let it go” kind of girl.

Fortunately, God was patient with me and when I came to the end of myself he opened my eyes to the hard truth.  My anger was a reflection of my own inadequacies.  I learned that I come “unglued” when this type “A” girl can’t control the circumstances of her life.  When things didn’t go my way, when I felt “out of control” and vulnerable, my natural response was anger, followed by tears and regret. 

This was an incredible revelation for me.  I had to come face to face with the reality that I could not control my life or my family.  God began to show me just how little control I really had over things.  Once I knew it was a control issue, I had to willingly step aside and allow God to take the wheel.  I had to recognize that he is Master of this Universe, not me.  For some ridiculous reason I used to believe that I could make everything right if I had my hand in things.  I also thought it was expected of me.

How do you deal with things out of your control without losing control?  The first thing is to change your thought pattern and accept that God’s thoughts and ways are so much higher than our own (Isaiah 55:8-9).  By renewing my mind through scripture and prayer, I realized that God didn’t expect me to fix everything; he wanted me to trust his perfect plan.  The question I had to settle in my life was whether I trusted God with the most important people in my life, my husband and children.  By fully accepting that God has my back, I can more easily face difficulties without feeling a need to control them.  I know that He has the bigger picture in mind, and even if I cannot see it, I can trust him to work all things together for good. (Romans 8:28) Instead of lashing out at others, I cry out to God for his strength and perspective.  Knowing my triggers helps me to process my emotions and diffuse potential outbursts.  I believe that our reactions are a reflection of how much Jesus we have in us.  I often pray the words of John the Baptist, “He must increase and I must decrease.” (John 3:30)

Today I am much more accepting of my limitations, a freedom that comes as I acknowledge my true lack of control.  I’ve had to learn that I can survive even when things don’t go as I think they should.  And I’ve learned that by letting go of control, I allow others to step up and take responsibility.  Yes, I still become unglued at times, but like Lysa TerKeurst says, imperfect progress is still progress nonetheless.

Love Is...

I admit it.  I am that person who cries at love stories and weddings.  I guess the idea that “love conquers all” makes me a hopeless romantic.  However, I know better than to buy into the cultural delusion that love is a feeling and when the fire starts to wane then love must be gone.  Love to me is so much more.

Love is commitment.  It means making the relationship work even when you’d rather pack it in and go home to momma.  It means enduring the hard times, making the hard choices and learning to forgive.  I’ve been blessed with a husband who treats me like a princess, but that doesn’t mean the last 28 years have been free of problems.  We have different personalities, different likes and dislikes and sometimes different views on how to handle situations.  There have been a number of times we’ve both wanted to walk away, but our commitment to each other and our Lord has made us do the hard work to stay the course.  In my line of work as an elder care coordinator I see lots of families in crisis situations as they deal with the failing health of an older adult.  Nothing defines love to me like an 89 year old client committed to caring for his 92 year old bed-ridden wife of 70 years.

Love is vulnerable.  As we open our heart to another we are susceptible to being wounded.  Those we love the deepest have the potential to hurt us the most.  One of the most difficult things about love is that it may not always be received or reciprocated in the way we want.  Because we are human our love isn’t pure.  We unknowingly attach stipulations to it.  Love requires accepting the person as they are and allowing them to respond as they may.  Love cannot be forced.

Love is enduring.  I think a mother’s love is a perfect example.  When a mother holds their child for the first time they think they couldn’t possibly love them anymore than they do at that moment, but amazingly, that love deepens and develops in an almost unexplainable way.  Though our child may no longer be physically connected to us in the womb by an umbilical cord our emotional connection to them is never cut.  Nothing tugs a mother’s heart strings more than love for her children.

Love is selfless.  It is valuing the one you love and putting their needs above your own.  (Philippians 2:3-4).  Sometimes relationships require more giving than taking, but when you love that person you believe it is a win-win situation.  Selfless love has far reaching effects.  Some friends of mine have just given up their vacations to extend Christ’s love to the homeless in Haiti and to orphans in Russia. 

Love is sacrifice.  It is the willingness to lay down your life for another.  We have seen that sacrifice made by our brothers and sisters in the military and we have seen it by countless others who put themselves in harms way to protect those they love.  But the greatest love I have ever known comes from the One who made the ultimate sacrifice for me.  “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)  Because of sin we are separated from a holy God.  All God has ever desired is a love relationship with us.  He loved us enough to sacrifice his son to pay the price for our sins and provide a means for us to once again connect with him.  The only requirement is we must each personally accept what Christ did for us.  We may not think we are worth that depth of love, but God says we are. 

Love flows from a grateful heart.  The more I grasp God’s great love for me the more I want to share it with others.   Love is meant to be given away.

The Grand Illusion

“Welcome to the Grand Illusion, come on in and see what’s happening, pay the price, get your tickets for the show…”  If your old enough you’ll know these are the lyrics to a Styx song and yes, I am dating myself.  They were my favorite band in high school.  And yet the words of this song from the 70’s are just as true for the 21^st century.

Isn’t that what life really is, “A Grand Illusion?”  Everything always looks better on the other side of the fence.  We know that something is missing so we fill the void with relationships, possessions, drugs, alcohol, work, or whatever else we think will satisfy our need.  We want more out of life, believing that bigger is better and what other’s have is the secret to happiness. 

“But don't be fooled by the radio
The TV or the magazines
They show you photographs of how your life should be
But they're just someone else's fantasy

So if you think your life is complete confusion

Because your neighbors got it made

Just remember that it’s a Grand illusion

And deep inside we’re all the same

We’re all the same…”

I think if we are honest with ourselves we realize that “stuff” doesn’t meet the need of our heart.  Ask yourself this question?  Have the “wants” you’ve had to have in life given you the happiness you desire, or are you still craving for something more?  Does it seem like you are never really satisfied?  I know I wasn’t.  I always hoped that the next “big thing” would bring contentment.  My pastor stated the problem perfectly.  “A spiritual thirst can never be satisfied by a physical pleasure.”

Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.”  (John 6:35)

Jesus is the only answer for the unrelenting hunger of our heart.  The bible tells us that God will supply all of our needs in Christ Jesus.  Following Jesus is not about giving up everything, but finding that Jesus is everything you need. 

When King David committed adultery with Bathsheba and then had her husband murdered, the Lord confronted his sin through the prophet Nathan.  Listen to what God had to say to David.  “I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms.  I gave you all Israel and Judah.  And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more.” (2 Samuel 12:8)  God longs to give us his best, but instead we “quench our thirst” with water than can never satisfy.  We fill our lives with things that leave us longing for more.

Is something missing in your life?  Have you tried everything else?  Maybe it’s time to try Jesus?  I would love to show you how.



Comfortable In Your Skin

I’ve always admired people who are comfortable in their skin.  They accept themselves for who they are and don’t feel a need to apologize for it.  Because of that, they also accept others as well.  My friend Sara is a perfect example.  She doesn’t worry about trying to be who others think she should be.  She is not afraid to be different; in fact it’s her uniqueness that is so appealing.   Best of all, the light of Christ shines through her.

Sara accepts herself in the light of God’s grace.  She knows she is a work in progress and trusts God to make her a little more like Jesus every day.  Too many of us judge ourselves by unrealistic, self-imposed standards.  We think our self-worth is based on our ability to make others happy, meet expectations, and be successful.  We think that God couldn’t possibly love us because of what we’ve said, or done, or are currently doing.  We measure our worth on a human scale and fall short. 

Let me share an incredible truth with you. 

God accepts us exactly as we are

and He loves us enough to not leave us that way.

We don’t have to try to pretend to be someone we’re not.  Honestly, it’s exhausting!  I’ve been there, done that, and got the t-shirt.  I spent a good part of my early years wanting to be recognized, thinking that what I did would somehow make me more important in others eyes.  What a lie!  It wasn’t until I started listening to what God says about me in his Word that I gave myself the freedom to be me.  Do I still struggle at times?  Absolutely, but I can more easily accept who I am (faults and all) because I know whose I am. 

I screw up more than I’d like to admit.  Usually my mouth is the culprit.  I might have the most sincere motives one moment and then find myself arguing with a family member the next.  If I had to dig a hole every time I’ve messed up in life, I’d be in China for sure.  Fortunately, there is grace.  My actions don’t deserve it, but God extends it nonetheless. 

We look in the mirror, he looks in the heart.  We see problems, he sees possibilities.  When was the last time you gave yourself permission to accept yourself for exactly who you are?  When was the last time you saw yourself the way God sees you?  He is faithful to work in us and through us for our good and his glory, just as he did with the Apostle Paul. 

“But whatever I am now, it is all because God poured out his special favor on me—and not without results. For I have worked harder than any of the other apostles; yet it was not I but God who was working through me by his grace.” (1 Corinthians 15:10)

God took a man full of passion and redirected that passion for his purposes.  God met Paul exactly where he was and extended his grace to him.  In return, Paul dedicated his life to giving others what he had so freely been given.  He didn’t miss an opportunity to be all he could be in Christ.

To quote Dr. Seuss, “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”  You are who you are.  No apology necessary.  Now consider with God’s help, what you can become.

Seventy Times Seven

“Senseless tragedy”.  Those words have been reverberating in my mind this last week and a half since the theater shooting in Aurora, Colorado.  Tragedy strikes and it reminds me of the uncertainty of life and the reality of evil.  As a mom I can’t help but grieve for those families whose kids didn’t make it home that night.  The what-ifs begin.  My emotions are mixed, outrage and anger toward the gunman, prayers and sorrow for the victims. 

It was a horrific event, yet the stories that emerge are stories of hope, compassion, courage and generosity.  I’ve even read of an unquestionable miracle.  In the midst of adversity true character is revealed.  The perpetrator we say doesn’t deserve forgiveness; justice demands retribution.  And yet, from hospital beds, some of the survivors have admittedly forgiven the shooter.  How can that be?  It goes beyond reason.

As I said in my last post, forgiveness is a choice and often the first step to healing.  We forgive because our heavenly Father has forgiveness us.  We understand the price He paid to set us free.  We forgive because God asks us to forgive.  Obedience flows from a grateful heart.  We forgive because we know the pain that we ourselves have caused others.  How many times do we forgive?  Seventy times seven is Jesus’ response.

I understand that many will say it is easy for me to speak of forgiveness when I have not been the victim of such an atrocity.  I agree.  I do not stand in judgment of those who have suffered great loss and cannot forgive.  My heart cannot fathom their pain.  Instead, I hope to encourage those like myself who often stand on the other side of judgment, who need forgiveness.  Jesus prayed from the cross, “Father forgive them because they know not what they’ve done.”  Sure there are times when I’ve hurt others without even knowing it, but most of the time my screw ups are clearly evident.  I struggle daily to do the right thing, but instead find myself repeating patterns I long to conquer.  I may seek forgiveness from others, but I am not quick to forgive myself.

What do I do at these times?  I fall on my knees and cry out my heart to God.  He is a compassionate Father.  He gives comfort when no one else can.  When I confess my sins, he is faithful and just to forgive me my sins and cleanse me from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). He encourages me to press on when I feel like a failure, to try again when I want to give up. He gives me the hope to believe that in His strength, I can make it through another day.  He offers the same for all who come to him with a broken spirit and contrite heart.                        

There are times when forgiveness is difficult and maybe even harder when you are the one seeking it.  But for those who have been forgiven much, it is the only way, because it is Jesus’ way.

Healing the Hurt

I’m not happy, not at all. Someone hurt me and I want them to hurt too.  But wishing my hurt on someone else is not what God wants from me.  In the midst of my pain, my husband has to gently remind me of that.  I don’t like it, but deep down I know revenge is not an option.  When I chose to follow Jesus, I chose to do things His way, not mine.

My way will actually keep me miserable, dwelling on the offense, wanting this person to know my pain.  There is no escape; it’s a vicious cycle that brings no relief.  Jesus says forgive and move on.  It is the only way to freedom.   

But what about the offender?  Shouldn’t they suffer in some way?  It seems only right, doesn’t it?  But truthfully, it’s really not about them.  This is my growth opportunity, not theirs.  Growth is a choice, and maturity the result of a multitude of right choices in life.

 Jesus knew what it was like to be mistreated, to not fit in, to be wrongly accused, but he didn’t dwell on it.  He knew men’s weakness, their selfish nature, their pride.  That hits a nerve with me.  My pride has been hurt.  Surely I deserve better.  Didn’t He?

He didn’t deserve the criticism, he didn’t deserve the hatred, he didn’t deserve the cross, and yet He laid His life down.  For me and for you, so we would know what to do when we are wronged, when we are hurt and want revenge.

Jesus spoke not a word to His accusers.  I want to shout my offense from the rooftops.  I think it will bring relief.  It won’t.  I know from experience.  Only God can heal my hurting heart. 

He doesn’t immediately cover up the wound, but exposes it first to clean it out, so nothing is left to fester.  I need to lay down my anger.  Anger is an infection that leads to bitterness.  It doesn’t make for an inviting individual.  I need to lay down my pride.  Pride makes me think that I deserve retaliation.  When we start realizing we aren’t owed anything in this life, we are one step ahead of the crowd.  God extends mercy to us, something we don’t deserve, but He freely gives.  In turn we are to extend it to others.

Revenge may seem sweet in the moment, but surrender, the laying down of my hurt, brings lasting change.  Does the person who hurt me even know they did?  Probably not, but it doesn’t matter anymore.  God knows and that's good enough for me.

All In For Him

Why start a blog?  Honestly, it never crossed my mind until my friend Ken suggested it.  He knows my passion to encourage others with God’s Word, but I don’t have a regular platform by which to do that.

Writing a blog scares me.  For one, it requires commitment and I seem to be growing lazier with age.  It was actually my pastor’s encouragement that sealed the deal.  First he told me he’d be my first follower (so this one is for you Aaron), and then he went and preached a sermon that prompted me to take the risk.  He was discussing what it really means to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.”  He said that if you want to be “All In” you need to go “All Out” for Jesus.  Jesus had a ministry to people who were far from God.   His specialty was pursuing “Lost Sheep”.

That clicked.  Some people already know I collect sheep.   My infatuation with them started on my last trip to Scotland.  I fell in love with those wooly, long-haired, Scottish sheep.  They seem so content with life with not a care in the world, except to eat.

In reality, sheep are not the smartest animals in the barnyard, and they can easily lose their way without the guidance of a loving shepherd.  The same is true for me.  In John 10:11, Jesus says, “I am the Good Shepherd.  The Good Shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.”

I committed my heart to Jesus in college, at a time when all my own efforts to make sense of my life were failing.  It hasn’t always been the smoothest of paths, but He has always been faithful to keep me from wandering and well fed by His Word.  Just like a sheep I am always hungry for more. 

Another reason that writing this blog scares me is because I am sure to say something that someone doesn’t like.  I’m not known for being the “quiet” sort, but I don’t want to offend.  Jesus spoke the truth with love and I want to do the same.  Pastor Aaron told us that those who are “all in” are bold when they don’t want to be bold.  Like the disciples in Acts 4:29, I am trusting in Jesus for the results.

Colossians 1:10 has been my goal, “That I might live a life worthy of the Lord, to please Him in every way; bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God.”  And so, I take my next step in this walk of faith by writing this blog and I pray, “To God be the glory.”